


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,163

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [45]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weekly satirical saga continues, as the gang prepares to stop Kilgore from trying to take over the galaxy.</p>
<p>www.ramblingsofacrazyoldhermit.com</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 1,163

TATOOINE - Day 1,163:

Thank the Maker...and Han Solo!

Han remembered what rock formation he left me on, and brought Chewie and a landspeeder back to recover my physically and emotionally drained body. They transported me to my hut where I laid unconscious for three days! Somehow, they even managed to procure a medical droid to replace my damaged knee with a robotic one.

When I woke, the first thing I asked about was Kilgore and Boba Fett. Han and Chewie had witnessed signs of a struggle, but there were no bodies and no evidence of who won the fight, or where they went when it was over. 

Shit. I really needed to know if Kilgore was still breathing. If he was, I wanted to tear him from his life-suit, and watch him suffocate and die, once and for all. 

I was sitting up in bed, and nursing a cup of blue Bantha piss, or what the folks on Tatooine like to call "milk." Barely keeping it down, I felt comforted by young Luke resting his head on my chest and hugging me as if the galaxy depended on it. He was also chewing on my robe, which I found to be a little odd.

Addressing Han and Chewie, I thanked them for saving me, but was most appreciative that they kept Luke safe. "I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have you two watching my back, and Luke’s."

"Oh dude, you're gonna make me blush," Chewie said shyly. 

"I'm not sure what Fluffy said, but if it has anything to do with 'don't mention it,' then I agree." Han added, "Hey, remember right before the bounty hunters attacked the camp?"

"Yes..." I strained for a moment, "and you were about to tell me something you overheard."

"Exactly!" Han's sudden excitement showed a rare side to him, mainly that he was a boy of fourteen, and not the hardened thief that he portrayed himself to be. "I told Fluffy all about it, and I'm pretty sure he understood me."

Chewie chuckled at that. 

"But what I was trying to tell you that night was that I had overheard the bounty hunters talking about holding Wookiee prisoners at Kilgore's base!"

"WA-RRRAAAARRRR!" This broke Chewie's heart. 

"I guess," Han continued, "that Kilgore is hoping to collect the reward from the Empire."

I patted Luke's head for a moment and thought. "Actually, I believe that to be partially true."

"Partially?" Chewie asked. 

"Yes, I do believe Kilgore is capturing Wookiees as a cover for meeting with the Empire. However, as he has admitted to me, he is doing so in order to force a showdown with Vader."

"He's nuts!" Han exclaimed. 

"That may well be the case," I agreed. "He also has plans on taking over Vader's spot as the Emperor's right hand man, with plans of eventually overthrowing Palpatine and ruling the galaxy himself."

Han and Chewie looked at each other in disbelief. Then Han said sarcastically, "This just keeps getting better and better."

"If Kilgore is allowed to face Vader," I continued, "this would mean the end for the Wookiee prisoners, as well as bad news for us. Kilgore knows all about me and Luke, and will use that to his advantage."

"So we have to stop him!" Han made it sound so easy. 

"We got this, man." Chewie informed me. "Han and I decided that we'd find and scope out Kilgore's base, once you woke up and you were able to care for Luke."

"But not to engage them?" I phrased it as a question, but meant it as an order.

“Of course not, man.” Chewie tried to console me. “We need your Jedi ass as back up.”

“Good.”

Luke fell asleep on me within minutes of Han and Chewie leaving for their mission. I had the horrible feeling that I might not see them again. Kilgore wouldn’t think twice about killing Han and adding Chewie to his collection of Wookiees.

Sliding out from under Luke, I tried not to wake him as I snuck to the bathroom. There just doesn’t seem to be enough bathroom breaks in this space opera that is my life. Relieving myself, I washed up and caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. “Holy shit,” I said out loud as I moved to get a closer look. This planet is killing me! In just four years on this dust bowl, with its twin suns, I’ve seemed to age ten years. The suns are murder on “meesa” skin. I looked back at Luke sleeping on my bed with his butt up in the air, and thought, by the time he is an adult I’m going to look like I’m eighty years old! Once again, I felt pissed off at Yoda for allowing this insanity to happen.

Hours passed, and I couldn’t sleep. I sat on the floor and meditated, attempting to contact my former Master in order to give him a piece of my mind. I was just about to bridge the gap between the living and the living Force, when there was a knock at the door. Getting off the floor, I pulled my saber to me. I stood before the door and took a deep breath. Opening it, I immediately ignited my saber and took an attack stance. Boba Fett stood before me.

“Whoa! Hold on a minute, Kenobi!” he pleaded.

“What the hell do you want, you brainwashed bastard?!” I was aware that Luke lay exposed on my bed, completely helpless.

Boba Fett raised both arms in a surrendering manner. “I am here strictly as a guide.”

I reached out with the Force and sensed that he was alone. “A guide for what?”

He confidently took a step into my hut. “A guide to reunite you with your friends. Kilgore has taken the boy and Wookiee as prisoners.”

I felt the blood drain from my head. "How do I know if you are speaking the truth, and that Kilgore hasn’t placed a secret command in your mind?"

Boba Fett was silent for a moment, and I felt his confusion. "I can't say for sure, Kenobi."

I suddenly felt sorry for the bounty hunter. "But he killed your father."

"I am aware of that, and the moment he frees me from his mind control I will kill him. Now," he paused, "I will give you one hour to find a safe place to drop off that child you are protecting. Then you will meet me at the Cantina in Mos Eisley."

After Boba left it took me only a minute to decide where to bring Luke. It wasn’t going to be fun.


End file.
